well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
