you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
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tequila makes me forget i have legs
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
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Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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