hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
