is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Sober January is a disaster.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
