What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
