Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
