you would pick up someone in the library
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
