Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
