I am puke
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
