i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
