Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
