I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
