If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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