You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
