I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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