Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
