you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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