So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
