So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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