We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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