hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
