just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Dignity is for republicans.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
