So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize