**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
