I hate all girls vehemently.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
