I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
