He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
