Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Randomize
