He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
