i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Who wears a wallet chain?!
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
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