We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
