The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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