My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
