It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
