Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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