Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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