woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
