dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
