it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
