Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
