...so i touched it.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
