Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
