reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
