Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
