I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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