Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I think my fart just growled at me.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
