he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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