OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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