I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
