I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
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I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
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you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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