He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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