Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm sobbing to NWA
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
