I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
