Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
