when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
