I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
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Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
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You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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