tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
