You made me cry and you don't even care
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
