That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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