if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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