Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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