are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
