Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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