i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
