I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
