so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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