i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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